Pleasures and Ponderings

Monday, September 24, 2007

Change Your Questions, Change Your Life

I’m curious if people realize that some questions they ask
themselves could be harmful? Have you ever asked or heard "Why
did this happen to me?" or "Why can't I get it right?" or "Will I ever
find work I like?" They can only lead to negative thinking. Since
that's probably not the desired result, what could happen if people
only asked questions that brought forth useful answers that moved
them forward?

I've listened to Tony Robbins' tape on The Power of Questions
a few times. Robbins says the quality of your life depends on the
quality of your questions. If your brain is like a search engine and you
put in, "Why is it so hard to meet women?" all it can bring up is
possible negatives. What would your search engine brain come up
with if you asked, "What are three things I could do this week that
would be fun to do to where I could meet interesting women?" Can
you hear your brain searching its archives of information and thoughts
to bring up three or more responses?

What questions could change your life or even your outlook
for the day? Just for the experience, try some of these and come up
with your own. Those will be even more insightful for you.

Relationship with Yourself
What could I do that would be a treat for me today and only
take a few minutes?
How could I set up an incentive so that a task I've been putting
off gets done?
What can I tell myself to lighten up when I've been criticized
or hurt?
What creative expression can I build into this week? Writing?
Painting? Woodworking? Redecorating? Visiting galleries and
museums for ideas? What day is it planned for on my schedule? Am I
committed to doing it?
Where would be a restful place to read a book and to picnic?
How much time (15, 30, or 60 minutes) will I spend on
organizing and sorting today so I will fully enjoy the
walk/gym/treat/reading I plan for later?
What music would inspire me right now? Did I just turn it on?
If not, it's okay to stop reading and turn it on now.
What clothes make me feel really good? When will I wear
them? Are they ready to wear—pressed, nothing missing, a good fit?
What is one step I know I need to take to fully express who I
am? If I'm not sure, when will I take 20+ minutes to journal about
what that might be?
What beliefs do I need to change to be more loving?
Accepting? Encouraging? Happy? Fulfilled? Successful?
What habits must I change to be more financially responsible?
What pleasure will I give myself for specific progress?
What park or nature spot can I visit to revive my spirit this
week? When will I go?
How can I ensure that I follow a healthier diet—call a friend
for support? Eat only when I'm hungry? Stop eating after 8:00 pm?
No food while watching TV? Join a class to learn what
others are doing?
What can I get of value from having a cold?

Personal Relationships
Who would love to hear from me today?
Who can I call to say "I'd like to spend more time with you"?
What dates and times can I clear on my calendar to offer them times
to meet?
Who am I ready to forgive?
What are some ways I can say "No”? One technique, if it's
hard to "just say no", is to offer 2 positives, 1 negative, and 1 positive.
"I appreciate your asking me to go dancing, and know it could be fun,
but I have other plans that night. I hope you'll have a good time
without me."
Who can I connect with today to support me in making my
dreams a reality?
What are some beneficial aspects of the troubling/ frustrating/
scary situation I'm experiencing with a special person in my life?
(Might it be a chance to become more open and intimate? To mirror
and paraphrase so you and that person truly understand each other?
To reconsider your commitment? To seek outside support to improve
the relationship? To practice being kind? Assertive?)

Professional and Community Relationships
Who can I call to brainstorm with on a project I'm excited
Who can I exchange my time or services with to get body
work, remodeling, child care, housework, computer help, whatever I
want done?
What organization could I join to support the goals I have?
What can I say to a boss, employee, or co-worker that would
be honest, would please or honor them, and could improve our
What one thing at work would make my job more desirable?
How can I implement that? What support do I need to make it happen?
In what organization would I most like to contribute to my
community? How much time will I offer? When will I start? What are
the benefits to me and to them?
What role do I want to play in my church, my children's
school, my neighborhood? Is the next step in my daily planner?
What can I do this month to better serve the global
What questions might serve you? What questions may you
need to ask and answer? Use this list as a supportive friend. I believe
that clear dreams, acted on, come true.

Moreah Vestan Compassionate Communication Trainer, Life Coach, Columnist Author: Pleasures and Ponderings: From Nun to Nudist to Now and
Diving Right In: Reflecting on Life's Adventures 206-938-8385

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