Promises

The promises I've made to myself have usually been harder to keep than those to others.

I have committed to spending an hour a day marketing my Compassionate Communication classes. That lasted a month or two, as did my vow to eat only one sweet/ day and to stop eating by 8:00 pm. (I can blame it on my friend who didn't check up on me as often as I needed her to, but of course it ends up my responsibility).

I've made promises to finish what I start--and I still get sidetracked online by new topics to google, and new connections I see with emails I've already started. I don't want to miss anything, so I keep subscribing to a variety of information and entertainment online.

I probably did better with the promises I made when my children were small, though I heard recently from my daughter that a lot of our agreements required them to do something in order to get a treat or a desired activity. I wonder if all of us wish we could undo and redo some of the things we did as parents.

These days I try very hard not to make promises unless I can and will keep them. Intentions are a good start, but they don't keep a promise. What has helped most is teaming up with someone to give mutual support to keep our separate agreements. I am unstoppable with daily connection. It feels wonderful to tell a friend, "Yes, I did what I said I'd do. Did you?"

I'd like to believe I could one day be my own partner. If that happens, I will celebrate. If it doesn't, I'll happily continue as part of a support team.

In the meantime, I will honor my sincere wish to be in integrity by doing what I say I will do.

It Doesn't Concern Me

(A 15-minute writing exercise to note all the things in life that DON'T concern me.)

It doesn't concern me that I don't have a car or that there are many countries I've not been to.
I don't care that I might not have any ice cream in my freezer.
Who minds if there are three or six of us writing together in the memoir group.
It's of no significance that I don't wear new clothes instead of long-owned ones.

If I cared about being closer to a lake, I'd get on a bus or ride there with a friend.
It doesn't matter that I don't know gardening facts, especially since roomer Larry loves to garden. I don't mind that I'll have to wait for red tomatoes in the yard.
I don't care if the sunflowers bloom ths week or not for three weeks.

I don't care when I get my free sample of Great Harvest bread that I haven't bought a loaf for awhile. (I do leave a tip).

It doesn't concern me if past lovers ever think of me, or if high school classmates remember what a square I was back then.
I don't mind if potlucks are balanced or if it's mostly salads.

I need carry on no crusade for how many books others should read or how much TV they shouldn't watch.
Whether the chickens across the alley lay eggs or not matters not to me.

That loose string on the kitchen rug doesn't pull at me to cut it.
All the candy I gathered and put on the top kitchen shelf doesn't concern me like it did at arm's length. It's just made temptation easier to resist.
If I don't find my red scarf, I can go to Goodwill and replace it.

If I don't get to the outdoor dance on Friday after my son's birthday dinner, I'll just wait till next week to dance.
It's no big deal

(To read others' ideas on what doesn't matter, go to http://silvermine.blogspot/2009/06/things-that-don't-matter.html )

It's Sometimes Painful or It Could Be

When I wake many mornings,, unless I commit to getting right up and reading or meditating or having breakfast, I've been visited by the ghost of incompletion. When I let my mind put on its morning parade of what I didn't finish that I intended to, I need an external whistle to stop the parade.

It may just be ego that is sitting on its throne of righteousness, but without the comparable royalty of movement and action, I'm not able to rise from my seemingly required homage to ego's claim. Knowing that moving from my obedient posture is the only thing likely to evict the discomfort of self-blame, I am grateful I can stick out my tongue at constraining thoughts and get my body moving.

(Written in my Memoir Writing group with a 10-minute timer.) Great avenue for self-expression. I'd love to read what YOU would write on any of the same topics.
Feel free to comment.

Places I'm Most Afraid to Go

Places I'm Most Afraid to Go (from my Memoir Writing group, with a 10-minute timer)

What came up, to my surprise, was "Am I doing life all right?" I'd just agreed with my lover that we need balance--not always pursuing goals so intensely. I had the start of a sore throat Wed. night, my usual signal to slow down. I doctored up and slept well.

Thursday morning I caught up on my journal and started a new way of organizing myself. I wrote 23 separate tasks or activities on 23 old checkbook pages and put them in ABC order and listed them on my pink envelope, which now holds the 23 papers. What I've been doing for years is to write every task that comes to mind in a spiral notebook. The only problem is how very often I've had to scan several pages to find my highest priority. Or I've written those priorities over and over on the next days' pages, because I let myself get sidetracked by emails and my curiosity, and don't finish what I intended to. At this point, I'm most afraid I won't find ANY organizing system that will keep me focused and lead me to sure conclusions.